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Sunday, April 25, 2004
 
Schrödinger's Budget

I'll admit, at first glance, the following story makes it appear
as if the whole Capitol Hill complex has been torn down and replaced
with a giant treehouse, complete with rope ladders, trap doors,
secret handshakes, and a gigantic, crudely-drawn sign declaring “No
Demmycrats Allowed:


Health and Human Services Secretary
Tommy Thompson has refused to make public or give congressional
Democrats the Bush administration's estimates of the cost of last
year's Medicare legislation.


In a letter to Rep. Henry Waxman,
D-Calif., a senior HHS official writing on Thompson's behalf said
Democrats have no right to review administration estimates that the
Medicare overhaul would cost substantially more than what President
Bush and Thompson disclosed last year
. The Associated Press
obtained a copy of the letter yesterday.


I'll be the first to agree that the treehouse theory sounds tempting. No doubt that's
the take most people reading this weblog are going to have on the
story; but that's only because we liberals are, sadly, victims of our
own Lesser Minds.


Our puny, effete little brains are incapable of grasping the
greater reality at work here. We assume, through our incomplete
understanding of events, that the Administration is playing political
games with us.


And yet, nothing could be further from the truth. What's going on
here is not some petty, trollish little manipulation for political
advantage, but actually a sweeping, ambitious attempt to protect the
very fabric of reality itself!


An old
and still predominant theory
of quantum physics is that an object
remains in an undefined state

until such a time as it is observed.
Once that observance occurs, then the object undergoes a collapse
into a defined state. It becomes, essentially, what the observer sees
of it.


In this case, allowing the
Democrats
to observe the Administration's Medicare
estimates would almost certainly cause those figures to
collapse into a multi-billion
dollar, budget-busting, fiscal nightmare
. And nobody wants that
to happen, right?


Clearly, then, these numbers should
never be exposed to the light of day; in fact, given the gravity of
the circumstances
, I think it would be wise to lock up all the
budget numbers
— and never let any
Democrat
ever set eyes on them again.


No, not ever. Your future may depend on
it.


Consider the quantum ramifications of the recent
dustup
over the war
dead photos
: the military understood that, so long as the coffins
remained unobserved, the soldiers they carried remained in an
undefined state.


Were they dead? Were they alive? Of course they were, puny human
... don't you know the story of the
cat
?


But then, by insisting on actually
seeing the pictures
, we liberals went and stepped in it. We
precipitated yet another wave form collapse. The soldiers became
dead
.


And we killed them.


Damn, Anne Coulter's right: we
really
are on the terrorist's side, after all.



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